Summa Summa Time

Okay, so the song actually is Summertime, but I figured you would get what I was singing if I spelled it how I actually sing it. Summa summa time. That song brings back so many good memories.

I'm a tad late, but it's finally here! Summer that is. I'm not as miserable as I thought I would be with the heat and the belly. Maybe I should credit that to my home air being at a constant yummy 72 degrees. Jealous? I know you are.

So since I'm not a fan of outside at the moment, unless it includes water...ie pool parties. :0) I decided I'm going to make a summer fun list of things to do indoors. Plus having a newborn in this heat just isn't cool. 

My Summer Indoor FUN List includes:

1. An indoor picnic, pray it stays on the tile.
2. Have a Popsicle Bath tub Party.

Doesn't this just scream summer?

3. Get my mommy groove back. {personal goal, don't have a plan on how to accomplish this-YET}
4. Get our backyard done-so we can enjoy some outdoor fun.
5. Make a point to go to Barnes and Nobel to get Hay new books. Hopefully she won't chew on these ones, leaving them looking like our dogs got a hold of them. {She has an obsession with chewing books, paper, anything that she can get into little pieces. I'm holding fast to thinking this is a sign that she's going to be artistic. LOL!}
6. Get Hay a princess dress so we can play dress up and dance around in circles and be princesses of course.
7. Manage to take as many photos of my girls and actually scrapbook them.
8. Finger paint and have Hay do artwork so I can frame it <3
9. Have an at home spa day with Hay. Complete with homemade Lavender & Peppermint foot scrub and nail fun!

10. Make a Sweet Flower Granny Blanket for baby A.

And although I won't be doing this THIS summer, I thought I would share because I think this is an amazing idea for when the girls get older...

Amazing, right?! DIY instructions can be found here...

<3 Enjoy the Summa! How are you going to be spending your summer??

an amazing photog rave

Not much has happened since Sunday's big emotional adventure, not that compares to it anyhow. However, I did book our maternity session to go down this coming Sunday with Ms Lovely Amy Boring. I am super excited! I love her work {so much that we are driving an hour and 1/2} and I can't believe that she is photographing my little family.

I should also throw in that she is just as cool as her photos. We spent about two hours chatting about photography, life and drama. I felt like I've known her forever.

Yep. We are now BFFs.

Okay, maybe not BFF yet. That's kinda stalker, but we really do get along and I haven't felt a connection to a friend like that in forever- unless you are one of the friends that I can go years without talking to and when we see each other, it's like no time has passed. I feel blessed to have a handful of friends like that.

Anyways. She's super cool and it made me even more excited for the Sunday shoot. Stoked. Did I mention she will also be shooting baby A's newborn photos? {Insert squeal here}

updated christmas list

I've been wanting to do this post for a while now. :0)

 But first off, isn't the name Epiphanie just about the cutest and most creative name ever? I thought so.

Their opening to their site says "{have an} Epiphanie". Love it.

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I have been stalking their site and having to wipe the drool off my keyboard for a while now.

But I am in LOVE with their Belle photo purse in turquoise as well as the Ginger in brown. I swoon over them. If you are in the market for a new stylish camera bag, you have to check them out. It's nothing short of amazing!

{Belle} in pink

Check out their blog as well--> they have great giveaways!

PS Did I also mention I have been obsessing over a new body? Camera body that is. I desperately want the Canon 5D Mark ii. {21.1 megapixel, Pro SLR} I get butterflies thinking about it.

You can also expect to these on my Christmas list as well:

85mm 1.4
50mm 1.4
24-105mm f/4 L
15mm 2.8 Fisheye

A new Macbook pro. 17 inch please.

Is that too much to ask for, Santa? I've been a really good girl this year! ;)

A day of surprises

I've been tossing it around in my head for a full day now. How would I write a post that means so much to me, but has so much background? How much of the background do I include? Then I realized, it's not the background the matters, but the actual happening that makes it so wonderful.

Yesterday morning was like many past Sunday mornings. Hayden wakes up and cuddles in our bed watching whatever cartoons that are on at the moment. I try to decided which service I want to go to. 8:30 is awfully early, but I go because otherwise I will talk myself out of going all together.

I decide to go to the first service and almost every time I go, I ask Garit if he wants to go with me. He always opts out and says he'll stay home with Hay. I learned to leave it there and not get upset. This is where some of the background information should be inserted. I'll just say, he's had a hard time letting the Lord in his heart and with past and ongoing situations, it truly seems like a fire-burning door that I was trying to knock on whenever I brought up him going to church. So I stopped asking. I stopped getting upset. I just continued to pray.

While I rolled out of bed, something was nagging at me to ask Garit to join me at morning service. I resisted at first, but then realized that if he wanted to go, he wasn't going to invite himself. That's just his personality. The next thing I knew, I was asking him meekly "did you want to come with me today? I have had Hayden already enrolled for a while now, so she can play with the kids in the nursery."

I was completely blown away when he said "Do you want me to go?"

me: "Seriously?! YES!"
him: "Okay. Sure I'll go."

This might not seem like a big deal. It is. It is huge. I got ready as fast as I could, praying he wouldn't change his mind within the time of getting ready.

We got to church and I prayed that the sermon would speak to him. It was amazing. I was so focused on what he could get out of it. It was based on ACTS 26:19. It was perfect. I thought he would take certain aspects of it and apply it a certain way. I was so excited to hear what he took from it. I was praying that he was listening and having an open heart. I was so nervous.

We got in the car and I asked him how he liked it. He comments on how the congregation was a younger crowd and he liked that. That was the extent of the conversation. Then we ended up putting Hayden down for a nap and we decided to take one ourselves. I was dying to ask him more. So we were laying in bed and the question came out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"Did you get anything from the service?"

I was hoping but preparing myself that he wouldn't say anything near "yes, I want to walk with the Lord. I was hoping he would say something in that direction. In the direction of wanting to start to have a relationship with Jesus.

His response completely left me baffled. Like literally I am 100% positive my mouth was open for a good 5 seconds with a dumbfounded look on my face.

He says, "Yes, you probably aren't going to like what I have to say" <- This made my heart drop and my stomach turn. Thinking he was going to continue to tell me "church isn't for me" or " I think these people are weird Jesus lovers".
 
Nope. He continues to surprise me. He said "I need to make things right with my father. The lord is telling me to do this." You would have to know the background to get the full effect that this would have on me.

I resent his father. I have so much hate for his father.

I am still trying to be the good Christian I claim to be and let go of everything. It's been hard. Really really really hard. I have prayed so much for his dad and it seems to do nothing.

Garit continues to related the verses that the pastor read to the reasoning as to why he needs to make things right. I was baffled. He was right. I didn't like what he had to say. I actually replied negatively towards him at first. I asked him, offended, if he was mocking me. Mocking my religion. This was so out of left field. I was waiting for a "haha got you!"

He was dead serious. He got more from the service than I ever thought he would get from it. I was so shocked.

He wants to talk to his father and make things right. Once the shock wore off, my hate towards his dad turned to hope. If I could lead Garit to the Lord and this is what he got from the first service, there has to be hope for his dad, right?

This isn't to say that things will be fixed between his father and him- or their companies, but it's a start. An amazing start that was kicked off by church. I can't have a negative view on this. The more I threw the idea around in my head and replayed what Garit said and how passionate he was with what the Lord said to him, the more I opened my heart and encouraged him.

I am so proud of him for taking the steps to try and make things better. He is doing Jesus would do. The lord is guiding him and he is listening and ready to take action. I am so blessed and proud to have him by my side.

I am still deathly afraid that Garit will be hurt again. He has experienced so much hurt over the past three years from his father's actions and hurtful words. I would also hate to see him not get the results he wishes for and in turn, hold it against Lord and push away.

All I can do is pray. Sunday was an amazing day. We had a great weekend.

Where did my baby go?

She seriously seemed to grow up over night. I went in her room to wake her up this morning to treat her to a chocolate milk from Starbucks while this momma enjoyed a skinny vanilla latte with a drizzle of carmel.

I was absolutely stunned when this is what I saw.

Not a baby, or even really a toddler. I mean sure, she's a toddler, but she looks just like a little girl. I really can't believe that she grew up right in front of me. I spend the most time possible with her and I still feel like I missed something.I seriously think if I blink I might miss her school aged years and I'll be sending her off to college.

If you don't have kids yet or if you are expecting your first, the only thing I can advise you to do is never blink. No really- I'm dead serious. Don't. Blink. Because one day you will and your little baby is a little girl. She will tell you when she wants to nap, eat, play outside, or watch Caillou.

I don't know what I can do differently with Baby A to slow down this process of growing up, but I do know that I will cherish every moment I have awake with her. I feel so blessed that I get to go through this whole process again with another child. I hope I have many, many more. While every mom has tough days raising their children, there is always a moment in a day that makes it all worth it.

This is reality sometimes. I wouldn't change it for anything in this world.

I love you, my little Hayden. You will always be my baby.

xoxo,

Mom

Get to know me better...

With 23 random facts!

1. I cloth diaper Hayden 90% of the time. It used to be full time, but when it's really hot outside, Hayden gets heat rashes down there because of the moisture.

2. When Hay "holds my hand" she's actually just gripping my pinky. Cutest thing ever. 

3. I've tossed around the idea of homeschooling and really need to force myself to research it more. 

4. Hayden says "peazzzzz" {Please} with emphesis. It makes my day.

5. I get anxiety when I think about Hayden going to school {one of the reasons I want to home school her, but not the main reason}

6. I don't know how many more episodes of Calliou I can watch before I go completely insane.

7. I have struggled with acne since my teens.

8. I have a problem with following through. 

Example: I have everything you could ever think of to scrapbook, yet over the past two years I have only finished 1 {ONE} page. Yep. Fail.

9. I have an obsession with scented candles.

10. I LOVE the lines that the vacuum leaves on the carpet.

11. I eat sunflower seed nut butter on my bananas. 

12. I see Garit as perfect because I look at him through Jesus' eyes.

13. I am terrified to have a newborn again.

14. I want a big family, possibly 5 children but I really rescent the thought of being pregnant for 50 months.

15. I want to be a crunchy granola head, but I love meat too much to totally give it up.

16. We have a Chocolate Lab and Two Yorkshire Terriers. We would have more, but Garit learned to tell me no shortly after getting the lab. {I'll have to tell the story of the cat one day}

17. I secretly have baby fever even though I'm already pregnant. I am going to have to get the IUD fo sho ASAP after this bambino.

18. I really struggled with my weight after having Hayden. I was only able to breastfeed until she was 4 months old because I didn't take in enough calories and water. I blame myself every day and wish I could have gone until she was one.

19. I love to make lists. For everything.

20. I am deathly afraid that I might be one of the millions that experience PPD.

21. My kitchen is wine themed.

22. I pray that Hayden and Baby A will grow up with Jesus in their heart. 

23. I still get butterflies when I talk to Garit, I truly feel I found my soul mate {cheesy, I know}.

The joys of having a belly...

This was taken a week ago, at 32 weeks. I'm even bigger now, I just need to get an updated picture taken :) I usually don't have an issue with doing this.

UPDATED PICTURE ADDED 6/24: 33/34 weeks along

For the most part, coming to the end of this pregnancy is relieving. I am getting big. To the point to where I am uncomfortable and little things just make me upset. Not upset as in mad, more like sad.

For instance, this morning I was on the floor playing with Hayden. {We just got a new couch and it's so tall she can't get up by herself. So, instead of me constantly lifting her up with me, it's just easier to play on the floor} Well, I say easier, but technically it's not. Getting down to just sit on my butt isn't the easiest anymore, let alone crawling around with a belly to play with the different toys scattered around the room.

Anyhow, Hayden brought me a book to read to her. She hands it too me and turns around and backs her little tush up to sit in my lap. I no longer have a lap available! It's completely taken by belly. I chuckled to myself but then I got really sad. My baby girl can't sit on my lap. I know this is temporary, but for the last few weeks that we have alone time together, the option of sitting on my lap is no longer available. Kind of breaks my heart.

We settled for reading the book with her on my knee. It's just not the same.

Another annoying thing that I have to deal with for the next seven weeks is I can't wash dishes facing the sink. My belly is too large and I end up hunched over just so I can reach the water. I now have to face sideways and turn my upper body towards the sink. Really? I don't remember every doing this with Hayden. Annoying.

Not to mention I have a really hard time giving Hayden her baths now. Garit has stepped in and taken over that nightly routine while I attempt to wash the dishes. :( Sad sad sad.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to both my Dad and Step Dad!

&

Happy Father's Day to the love of my life and the best Daddy my little girl could ever have!

 I love this one^ because they both have the same look of "really Mom? In front of the exit sign?"

Just some quick snap shots that I was able to find on my desktop :)

Hayden and Daddy

For Father's Day we went out to breakfast with my parents, sisters and my step brother and his family. It was so nice to see them. They live in San Diego (where basically all of the family lives-we were the ones that moved away) so we rarely get to see them. It's only about an hour and a half drive down there, but we all get busy with life and work and our own little families. That is one thing that I hope changes over the next ten years. While I love where we live, I would love to have a vacation home or pick up and move back to San Diego. One day, maybe.

After breakfast we went home and worked on our backyard. It's slowly coming along...even though it's still just dirt at the moment, we staked out where the concrete is going along with where we want the BBQ, fire pit and spa...oh and grass! :) I can not wait for grass!!! Hay will be able to run around and play on the play set and just be a kid, and not to mention all the dirt that I won't have to sweep up everyday!

I refuse to be that mom

I met my friend Hannah and her son Eric for lunch yesterday. We have been friends basically since Hayden and Eric were born, maybe a bit before? She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and I really hope we are forever friends. Cheesy? Maybe. But I'm totally telling you the truth.

We met on the What to Expect forum boards...you know, like the book? They have a website where you can go to talk to other moms-or in our case expecting mommas, to share your symptoms, thoughts, worries or even laughs. I have become rather close to about 15 of the girls and still talk to them weekly, even though I've only met about a handful of them.

Hannah is also pregnant again, expecting two weeks after I. :0) We didn't plan it, but shhhh we kinda did. Eric is also two weeks behind Hayden in the age department. Funny how that all worked out.

We went to Souplantation yesterday with the kids {my first time} and Eric, who is usually the busybody, sat perfectly still on his booster while eating everything Hannah put in front of him. I watched in envy for maybe 2.5 seconds while I tried wrangling my child and eat at the same time.  I was so embarrassed. She really just wanted to get down and play with Eric. They were smitten with each other. Plus she was tired. Excuses? Yep. But my child was that child and I was that mom. She didn't want to sit still and she was letting me know it. After we left I sat in my car thinking:

This is it. I knew this day would come. The day where I don't take my child out in public restaurants because I'm not going to be one of those moms. I'm not going to embarrass myself or my friends. If she can't behave, then we just won't go anywhere. 

Hannah and I both agreed that we need to just stick with parks and picnics.

Baby Instruction Manual

I don't think I was the only one the hospital forgot to give the instruction manual to when I left with my new bundle of joy about 17 months ago. Oh, they don't give manuals out these days?? That explains it.

I understand that everyone has their own parenting techniques and being a mother is a lot of trial and error. I am not the perfect mom, but I damn sure try to be.

But when something isn't working out the way you planned or your little bundle of joy gives you panic attacks when it comes to bedtime every night, maybe it's time to re-evaluate your parenting techniques.

Who doesn't worry about their child every single day?

Am I reading enough to her?

Is she getting the nutrition she needs from a balanced diet?

Is she spending enough time playing outside?

Does she get enough social interaction with other children?

Are these tantrums normal? Really? This young??

I have asked every single one of these questions. Multiple times. My MIL can vouch for me on this one.

I think to myself, I hope it gets easier...fully knowing that it won't. But at the end of the day, when my child gives me a kisses and tells me "nigh nigh" {night night} in her sweetest voice...at 7pm {okay it's more like 8pm these days, thanks to the summer sun not going down until then} but then she simply lays down and goes to sleep. I must be doing something right, right?!

I have a happy child. Sometimes, parenting gets a little shaky and it's normal to question your routines, but when your child isn't sleeping until 9pm at the earliest and you have to lay down with them every night and they don't take naps during the day. Maybe it's time to rethink what exactly you are doing in your daily routine, or not doing for that matter.

Nutrition, structure and control in the household?

I must be doing something right. Boy, is that reassuring.

Okayyy. Rant over. :0)

Poop. Poop. and more POOP.

Between this horrific sore throat that crept up on me within the past 5 hours and my brain refusing to shut off...along with Baby A tickling my ribs, it seems impossible to get any sleep tonight. 

It's approximately 11 on a Sunday night and I am up thinking about blogging. Obsessed. I wont deny it.

As for the title of this post...poop...this is what I thought I would share with you. Literally.

Yesterday, we had a fun day at my parents house. Hayden got to go in the spa with my dad and sisters and wore herself out after only two hours.

She napped on the way home and as well as in her room when we finally got home (it was a 45 minute drive...I hate the drive to my parents) Anyways, we thought it would be a great idea to nap as well. So we nap for an hour or so and then we wake up to her playing in her room. 

I tell G that I'm not ready to get up yet...I needed just 20 more minutes. He said "Cool. No problem." I quickly drift back to sleep until I hear G yelling "No, No No!" and then I hear the back door open and slam shut. My mind is still half asleep as I try to piece together a scenario...then I hear G's heavy footsteps 

{I laugh as I type this because he is so freakin' loud when he walks down our halls...it's like he stomps or something hahahha}

and then I hear the bath start in Hay's bathroom. So, I roll out of bed to see what all the excitement is about.

As I opened our bedroom door, I smelled the stench coming down our hall. I knew exactly what had happened. Poop. Hayden was wearing a dress and she had experienced a massive blowout and had decided to play in it. Literally, there was shit everywhere. I started gagging as I walked into the bathroom. 

Our convo:

me: Hunny, why didn't you come get me?

him: You asked for 20 minutes so I was going to give you it

me: UMMMM there is shit everywhere. On her bed rails, her bed sheets, the carpet, her toys...everywhere. You were going to let me sleep? LOL! 

him: {he smiles}yes, I knew you were tired.

I guess he gets an "A" for thought but and "F" for effort since it seemed as though he was trying to wake me up with his yelling, door slamming and foot stomping. Bahahahaha!

Oh, and about the yelling...I asked what that was all about. He proceeded to tell me that as he was changing her diaper, she decided to grab herself-poop and all. I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head...and gag. We both found it funny by this point even though I could tell he was so incredibly stressed out still.

I made a deal with him, I would clean the room if he cleaned her. He gladly took me up on the offer. He told me if he cleaned the room, I would be having to go in a re-clean it after he threw up in it. Ya. It was that bad. Oh the joy of having kids! :0)

I'll spare you any pictures. {I didn't take any! Promise.) 

Birthing plan

At roughly 33 weeks pregnant, I'm starting to put together my birth plan. Since this isn't my first rodeo with the whole child birthing process, I have a little better of an idea of how things will go and progress. With Hay, my water broke while I was sleeping. I showered and we jumped in the truck with my overnight bag  and headed to the hospital which is about 30 minutes away.

Ready for my secret? Something that no one else knows except for my MIL and G? Ready for this? Somehow her newborn outfit did not  make it in the bag. So she was taken home wrapped in a hospital sheet and one of my sweatpants. Do I get the Mom of the Year award? Hubby refused to leave my side when I insisted on him running home and getting her outfit. A outfit. Any outfit. Epic fail. I'm not proud of it. I'm quite ashamed actually.

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I think I felt a total of one painful contraction, the epidural was ah-maze-ing. No doubt about it. I am a huge wussy when it comes to pain. In fact, the nurse had asked me about my pain tolerance and I replied that I thought I was average. G let out a laugh. Seriously? He laughed. Yep. That just happened. He was right. I guess my tolerance is pretty darn low. :0(

Ok, so birth plan? That's the topic right? I want to try to do most of my laboring here, at home. Then go to the hospital when I really need to. The worst part about my labor experience with Hay was the fact that I was in the hospital so damn long. If I can bare through a lot of the contractions on my own, I would like to do so without wires hooked up to me and the sterile hospital smell...not to mention the constant beeping sound coming from three different machines.

I'm sure this is how I will look while I'm laboring at home...

So far, this is the only part of my birth plan that I have figured out. This and the fact that I don't think I will be induced early like I had thought. Still doing some research on it, but it doesn't sound like the best option for Baby A and I.

when I grow up

When I grow up...I want to be a skilled, world renowned photographer.

I can still use this phrase right?

I think you lose your right to say when up I grow up when you turn 30. Maybe even later, but I think I can accomplish my ambition to be a photographer by the time I am 30. 

Annie Manning{Paint the Moon Photography}

Sheye Rosemeyer

Barb Uil {Jinky Art}

Robin Long

Amy Robertson

Skye Hardwick  {Work of Heart Photography}

I would literally give my left arm to be able to shoot and process like these ladies. Well, actually...if I gave up my left arm, it would make it pretty damn difficult to take pictures and edit...and type. So, maybe I would give my left pinky toe...or right. I'm not picky.

They are my inspiration. If they were a rock band, I would be their biggest fan. No question about it.

But since they are photographers, I sit and drool over their pictures and study them and their composition. Wishing and praying that I could one day be just as talented and successful.

Oh, to dream! 

If you never dream big, you will never be big. Remember that. Brianna-ism. Write it down.

Journal

Hayden isn't feeling the best today. She's been on my lap the entire morning and fussy at times. I did however enjoy our hour marathon of Olivia (the cartoon pig) with her cuddling on my lap and playing with my fingers.

That was the sweetest hour of my day and possibly qualifying for best hour of the week. I'm trying to cherish all of these moments while I still have them. While we still have them. I actually start to get really sad when I think about her not being my only child.

It's been just the two of us every weekday for the past 16 months. Having a child changes everything. I'm sure with two in the mix, nothing will be the same.

About three months ago, maybe longer actually, I purchased a lovely cloth bound journal from Anthropologie. I had many ideas for what I would write in it or use it for.

Mind you, this is not a cheap journal, as nothing ever is from Anthropologie. But I bought it because it was  gorgeous.

Well, it's still blank. I've opened it a few times as it sits on my nightstand, but nothing seemed worthy enough to write in it, or at least I could never commit to what the sole purpose of the journal would be used for. Until now.

I've just decided that the journal I bought is going to have all of my special moments that I share with Hayden and Baby A. Moments that I can look back on and smile. Moments that I can hopefully share with my girls in the future when they are truly able to appreciate and understand the love that I poured into it. Now that I think about it. I may just have to buy another one of these expensive journals...one for each of the girls. That would mean more to them if they each had their own. Something for me to consider...