I always find it interesting when your feelings on something turn out to be the total opposite of what you had imagined. I thought that as I see each room in boxes, I would progressively get sadder and more depressed. Well, we technically just packed out first room up...the kitchen (I know, odd place to start considering we are still living here for another week). As I just finished boxing up all the winery kitchen decorations, I look at my kitchen and it feels empty. It is bare. All of the drawers and cabinets are empty except for a few things we are leaving behind/giving away. There is no personality, only memories of what used to be there and how much fun it was to find and put my vision into action.
I was surprised by the overwhelming feeling of peace when I stepped back and looked at all the hard & time consuming work I just accomplished. With seven medium and one large box in front of me, I realized that this is what matters. In a way, the kitchen is a symbol of the house. The house isn't my home. It's many walls with a roof that protects us. Yes, we are very blessed that we have this house, but in all reality, that's all it is. Our home is where my family is. My husband and the girls. Where we make memories, paint & decorate. This house was a platform for our family to build our memories together over the past 3 years. I'm going to miss the memories, not the house. I can't wait to get to our next home. Everything is going to be okay. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life.
I don't really know where to start. I have so many feelings. Many feelings that aren't happy ones. It's not easy to admit, nor is it easy to write it out. I'm still not sure I'm even going to push "publish post" at the end of this.
I just need to get it out instead of just sitting in my cold brown leather chair all day. Occasionally, sobbing, like I am now. Dwelling over how our life is going to change. A huge part of me wants it to change. A part of me is extremely excited to see where God places us. Our family. I know God is leading us. I praise him through this trial as I will every trial we come across. The safe thing to do in life is stay where you are comfortable. I'm tired of being comfortable. I want to grow, whether it's voluntarily or forced. I want to grow in God's grace and do His work.
I just wish someone would pack my house for me. I want to wake up tomorrow already in Mississippi. I hate this in between period. It feels like wasted time.