Senior, kinda

I had so much fun with a gorgeous girl today. Not only is she gorgeous on the outside, she's just as beautiful on the inside. How do I know this? Because she's my awesome sister. And she's not a senior. Actually, she's only 15.  Dad, don't kill me.

Which one is your favorite?

my five kids tug at my heart

 I actually have 5 kids, didn't you know? 2 human kids and 3 fur kids. 

 

This is Dalilah& Lorelai. Baby D is her short name, the one in front. She is 4 years young (I think) I was saying 2 years for about 2 years...so 4 years actually sounds about right. HA! The lil lady behind her is named Baby L for short. She will be 3 in April. How I know this is we got her while I was pregnant with Hayden. Boy, I was kinda foolish. This was when Mr didn't know how to say no to me. He learned quickly though, when I brought home a cat from the shelter about 2 weeks later. HA. He said hell no and told me to take it back. Keep in mind, I was pregnant and my fiance told me no. For the very first time. Not cool. I made him take the kitty back because I couldn't stop crying for it's poor soul. & because he said no. haha

 

Then there is duke. Our chocolate lab. We got him before baby L but after baby D, & before returned kitty. So yes, we got two dogs while we were newly pregnant, when we already had one very spoiled baby D. My heart has so much room for animals...and children. I can picture myself with 5 of each. I'm halfway there, y'all! ;)

the reason my home is a disater

Most moms I know look forward to their children's nap time so they can pick up their home, clean, do laundry.  I will shamefully admit that when my girls nap, especially if they are napping at the same time, it's me time, baby. I don't clean unless it's to the point to where I really can't stand it anymore. Honestly, it has to get pretty bad to get to this point, but then again, that is usually about ever third day or so. But when my girls are napping, I catch up on reading my favorite blogs and usually catch up on mine.  Downloading my most recent pictures are often a daily nap time ritual as well.  Some days, when I'm extra lucky and feeling a bit risky, I'll even squeeze in a 20 minute shower. Ah, pure bliss. Sometimes a shower isn't even heard of on some days. Shocker, I know. Want to know something even worse? Some days, I don't even get out of my pajamas. I know, you are totally gasping right now. Don't judge me.  So, as you can tell, there is really no real direction as far that this post goes, so I'll just posts some adorable pictures of my loves and get on to reading my fav blogs like I mentions and I'm also going to shoot for that 20 minute of bliss I talked about. Why? Because Garit and I have a date at our church's office this afternoon. But I can't say too much, because it's a surprise that is slowly unfolding. :)  By the way, you probably wonder why most of the pictures I post are with Hayden in her high chair. I realize you probably think "gosh, she must live in that thing!"  No, that is just the only time I can have my camera out and she doesn't run away. haha I hope this stage ends soon :)

Photos of Bay soon to come :)  Happy Hump day! 

hold on tight

Lately, it seems that death is surrounding me. Either with stories on blogs of little babies leaving this earth or friends telling me of loved ones that have joined Jesus. It makes me stop. It makes me appreciate all of the wonderful people who impact my life daily. They've help shape who I am today and continue to every day. They make me smile. They make me laugh. I care about them. A ton. They don't know how much they mean to me-because I don't tell them. This needs to change.
Everyday I look at my children and fiance. The best blessings in my life hands down. I could never imagine losing them. Just the thought makes my heart ache and my eyes swell with tears. There are mothers and wives that have experienced a loss of a child and/or husband. There are mothers experiencing this, at this very moment in time. I can't imagine the pain they are going through. My heart breaks into pieces for them and prayers are going out for them and their families.  This is my biggest fear. Before Garit and my girls blessed me with their grace and love, my biggest fear was not that I would die, but that I would die before I became a mother. Perhaps this is why I decided to jump on the mommy bandwagon at such a young age. I don't regret it for one second. There is not one day that my girls don't make my heart happy, even on the most trying days. With every moment that I have with them I hold on tight. So tight. I take mental pictures of moments, emotions and try to imagine how much more amazing our moments are going to be tomorrow. Because we get to do it all over again.  But we aren't promised this.  As Pastor Brian stated this past Sunday, "we all have an appointment with the Lord". While this is reassuring in the sense that life will begin when we take our last breath on earth, I don't want to leave my children. I don't ever want them to leave me. This is so hard for me to be okay with. I don't know if I'll ever be okay with this idea. I think this will always be my biggest fear in life, and it's something that is out of my hands and bound to happen at some point. Terrifying isn't it?

lucky duck

I love this photo for so many reasons...you can see where Hayden gets her curls from.

I have an excuse

The first thing I thought when I saw these pictures I'm about to post was, "omg, there is absolutely no change. How depressing." The second thing I thought of was "well, I kinda have an excuse, I JUST got the okay to start exercising yesterday."

Isn't it funny how easy it is to blame others or make excuses for when we fail? I have been eating well, and as of this morning, I am weighing in at 147 lbs. I was 152 when I got pregnant with Bailey. So technically, not too shabby. She will be 8 weeks on Saturday. Honestly though, I never took pictures of myself after birthing Hayden. I really wish I would have...that way I would have been aware of the fact that I still looked pregnant a year after having her.

I am aware that I focused on the doorknob, but I like how I was able to kinda accidentally cut half myself out to make me look a tad smaller as well as being the creamy bokeh behind the doorknob. Oh, that's not bokeh? Right. That's my cellulite mixed with my rad stretchmarks...we can all pretend right?

BTW, I really did cringe when I thought about putting these up here for everyone to see. But I'm all down for being real and letting people know that they aren't the only ones that are fat ;) LOL! So kidding! I'm really doing this for myself. It's definitely a self motivator and if I still look like this in 6 months, I will be hanging my head down in shame.

Posting these pictures make me aware of it and I'm super excited to see the progress of getting thinner.

My goal is to weigh 125. Hahahaha really, I just chuckled out loud.

My realistic goal is to get down to 132. Totally accomplish-able with a lot of work. Working out that is. And time. It would be crazy for me to think I could get my body back within 3 months. Crazy. Unless I starve myself. Hmmmm...there's an idea! HA! Just kidding, again.

But it will be interesting to see what is manageable with two kids and lots of changes coming up.

kale has taken over my life

I'm about a week into eating vegan. It's kinda amazing. Sure, I have to deal with the complaints of a husband when he discovers there is no meat on his plate...or when he wants to get ice cream and I object (although he is still able to eat whatever his heart desires, I have held my ground well).

Today I made some of my own "kale krunchies"...but in my oven! 

I made sure the kale was dry and tore them into bite-sized pieces and placed them on a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Drizzled them with olive oil and some sea salt (I actually put WAY too much sea salt on. Not even sure I'll use any next time.) Since I've cut out dairy completely, I can taste more. The flavors are there. Salt is definitely not needed like it was eating pre-vegan.

So, I put them in the oven at 350 F for 10 minutes. These turned out to be a bit browner than I'd like them to be (you notice I said brown, not burnt? lol) But they were still edible. Just had a little bit of a burnt popcorn taste to them. Lesson learned. I'll put it in for 7 minutes next time and go from there.

Here is the finished product...although with half of them already eaten by the time I realized "crap I need to take a picture first". Yep, they were that good.  

ready! set! go!

Vegan Friday Morning Breakfast. 

Squaw bread with almond nut butter with a sprinkle of cinnamon and sugar. YUM

 Green monster: 2 handfuls of spinach, two leafs of kale, one very ripe banana, a cup of almond milk, 4 ice cubes and a Tbs of chia seeds :) Energy boost!

Now I need to find the motivation to get the girls bundled up and ready for our first jog.

Happy Friday, Bloggers :)

PS if you have an awesome vegan recipe or green smoothie mix, please share in the comment area, I'll feature you when I make it, so be sure to link your site with your comment if you have one!

finger fives & kitchen dances

love note to my girls:

In a way, spending every single day with my girls is exhausting, draining and at certain moment's extremely frustrating. But there are always moments that make all of this worth it.

Like when I think about the special bond that Hayden and I have. How I can look at her a certain way and she will smile. I look at her a different way and she laughs. I laugh. I have this unbelievable bond that is just so heart warming. We also do Eskimo kisses daily. Rubbing our noses together, and then I say "ok, I want butterfly kisses now" and she will smile and get even closer and blink her eyelashes really fast against mine.

{this reminds me, I have also taught this little lady how to properly ask her father for something -- with full-on "pretty eyes" (blinking them, of course) this was my secret weapon against my step-dad, worked like a charm}

Then there's this new thing that we do. When she does something great in her highchair while eating, whether it be eating all of her food or saying please and thank you {she is really good at this now, with no prompting}.. instead of giving high fives, we do finger fives. We use our index finger and high five it. This was started because her hands would be covered in food. I mean covered. She is the messiest eater around, no matter what you give her. Ha. So, to keep my hands as clean as possible but still show her how awesome she is, we finger five it. Now this is done everywhere, not just in the highchair. It's our little thing. Just like our Eskimo & Butterfly kisses. Absolutely love it.

Then there's Bailey. Since she has been so alert since birth, I've felt such a strong connection with her through her eyes. Now that her little expressions are really corresponding with the emotion that I see in her eyes, it makes it that much more magical.

Bailey and I have this routine now... the past 4 mornings while my coffee is brewing and Hayden is eating breakfast, Bailey and I dance. I put on Colbie Caillat's "Brighter Than the Sun" and dance around in the kitchen. Rocking back and forth staring at my beautiful baby that our Lord has blessed us with. All of my problems and worries seem so meaningless and insignificant. It puts what really matters into perspective. You can take away my car, my house, my money. As long as I have my husband and my babies, life is good.

Dancing with my daughter and seeing her smile. So innocent and happy. No problems that she's aware of. Just happily dancing in her mommy's arms. Her eyes and her smiles are as big as can be. She's going to have a killer smile. Mark my words.

There really is no greater of a bond or love than that of a mother and her children. I am so blessed and I look forward to dancing with my baby every morning for as long as she will allow me to. I pray that Hayden will be older than 7 when she feels it's no-longer cool to give her Mommy Eskimo & Butterfly kisses. I am so incredibly grateful for these moments.

xoxo,
Mama

in other news

I've felt such pressure to keep up with my posting since my daily views have gone up. It's wonderful, but in a way it really sucks. I don't have the time at the moment to post substantial daily posts. I actually have something really great planned for this blog and it's in the works. That is actually what is eating up any free time that I do have. But it's going to be worth it. 

The sky was beautiful today. It surprisingly didn't rain. Not that I noticed, anyway.

 Hayden is coming down with a cold. Her poor runny nose. :(

In other news, I've turned vegan. For reals. Garit had plenty to say...he's hitting the grocery store for his steak and cheese. 

I'll change his ways eventually...one meal at a time.

These are super yummy dried out kale leaves. I'm going to bake these next time and save the expensive price tag. But I'm glad I bought them for a quick and easy snack!

This was so good. It was my dinner tonight. It's a garden veggie patty, with spinach and salsa. 

Easy peasy.

I can't wait to post more about my vegan eating ways!

mother's helper, anyone?

Today I sat at the kitchen table while Hayden ate her toast with jelly and bananas. Bailey slept loudly in her swing. This girl can snore. It makes me laugh, probably 3 seperate times throughout the day. Anyways, I sat at the table and realized that our life has really settled down. We have a routine and I'm not insanely stressed anymore. I do however, feel overwhelmed and I feel as if I can't balance the things I have to do each day: laundry, dinner, grocery shopping, general cleaning, errands, bills...the list goes on. Literally. I sat there and I added "playing and reading with the girls, blogging, reading up on my favorite blogs, photography..." the. list. goes. on.

All of these things may not seem like priorities to you, but these are all things that I kinda have to have in my life. Like on a daily basis. Maybe not the laundry or cleaning or def not the bills (who in the world likes to do bills??) but the blogging and playing and reading with the girls, taking pictures of my little loves...these are what make me happy. They keep me sane. They make it easier for me to be a good mom. If it was all work and no play, then what is the point? I have to constantly remind Garit to keep this mindset. He is all work. no play.

But my issue comes when I didn't get around to doing the laundry. The dishes have been in the dishwasher, clean, mind you...but there for 3 days. The girls no longer have any clothes hanging in their closets, they are all in folded piles with no sort of organization or even relience in size. This is where I get overwhelmed.  I need balance. I feel like I'm constantly behind. I need help.

Or maybe I need to ditch my computer, phone, camera for a few weeks until I get everything under control. I hate feeling like I'm dropping the ball in one or two areas at all times. Maybe it's time for me to unplug for a while. Or limit myself to "free time" like we had in kindergarten, but once everyone is in bed. Kinda like I'm doing right now, at 12 am.