I confessed to Garit this morning how I missed being able to just leave the house when I wanted to, I miss hanging out with my friends without chasing a toddler or having a newborn on my boob. I miss being able to leave for a weekend with Garit and experience life without diapers, sippy cups and planned naps, feedings and tantrums. Boy, how much our life has changed over the past two years.
As soon as I finished saying this, the guilt set in. It's not that I don't love my girls, I wouldn't change my life for anything. But sometimes I do miss those memories...and that's all they are. Memories. I wonder if our life would ever resemble what it used to be. Not the careless drinking and partying (those were definitely not my finest moments, although at times, they were quite fun) - I really could live without that. But when will we be able to go to a concert and leave the girls for the night? When will we be able to BBQ at the beach with the girls and actually enjoy it?
Garit reassures me that there will be a time when we can do all this again, but it's going to be probably another two years. I predict it will be longer.
I think Garit and I need to make time for some "me" time. Whether it's accomplished with a babysitter so both of us can go out or each of us take turns watching the kids while we have a half day to ourselves to do whatever we want. What I really can't wait for though, is when the girls will be at the age to where we can all go out together.
This brings me back to feeling guilty again but for a different reason. Not because I shouldn't feel this way, but I need to enjoy the here and now. Once we actually get to the point to where we aren't as tied down, I'm sure I'll be looking back wishing I had more time with them when they were little. Lesson learned. Enjoy the now.