empty house, my home is in boxes

I always find it interesting when your feelings on something turn out to be the total opposite of what you had imagined. I thought that as I see each room in boxes, I would progressively get sadder and more depressed. Well, we technically just packed out first room up...the kitchen (I know, odd place to start considering we are still living here for another week). As I just finished boxing up all the winery kitchen decorations, I look at my kitchen and it feels empty. It is bare. All of the drawers and cabinets are empty except for a few things we are leaving behind/giving away. There is no personality, only memories of what used to be there and how much fun it was to find and put my vision into action.  I was surprised by the overwhelming feeling of peace when I stepped back and looked at all the hard & time consuming work I just accomplished. With seven medium and one large box in front of me, I realized that this is what matters. In a way, the kitchen is a symbol of the house. The house isn't my home. It's many walls with a roof that protects us. Yes, we are very blessed that we have this house, but in all reality, that's all it is. Our home is where my family is. My husband and the girls. Where we make memories, paint & decorate. This house was a platform for our family to build our memories together over the past 3 years. I'm going to miss the memories, not the house. I can't wait to get to our next home. Everything is going to be okay. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life. 

sometimes you just need to cry

I don't really know where to start. I have so many feelings. Many feelings that aren't happy ones. It's not easy to admit, nor is it easy to write it out. I'm still not sure I'm even going to push "publish post" at the end of this.  I just need to get it out instead of just sitting in my cold brown leather chair all day. Occasionally, sobbing, like I am now. Dwelling over how our life is going to change. A huge part of me wants it to change. A part of me is extremely excited to see where God places us. Our family.  I know God is leading us. I praise him through this trial as I will every trial we come across. The safe thing to do in life is stay where you are comfortable. I'm tired of being comfortable. I want to grow, whether it's voluntarily or forced. I want to grow in God's grace and do His work. I just wish someone would pack my house for me. I want to wake up tomorrow already in Mississippi. I hate this in between period. It feels like wasted time.   

Baby girl, you are so serious. I can do so many things to try to make you smile, but if you are in this serious mood, this is all I get. I love you for how real you are. You do what makes you happy and that makes me happy. You go girl. Don't feel like smiling? That's okay. This fierce look will suffice. You're gorgeous anyways.  Love,Your Mama

rain, rain, don't go away

We are enjoying the different weather here in Mississippi. This was right after the big storm blew through. Hayden had a heck of a time with the puddles :) More pictures on that to come...

Picture perfect

In a mama's eyes at least :)

Our two in a half day drive to Mississippi. They were all angels!! Yes, Garit was, too. ;)

Day #2

 

 I will be posting more tomorrow in between baking pies and cookies!

Hey Y'all

Did you read the title of this post with a southern accent? If not, go back and do so, pretty please. As well as all of my future posts for the next few weeks because I've got the southern country accent down! It's kinda hard to not adapt to it when everyone you talk to has this lovely accent. The more I talk to these southerners, the more I notice my twang setting in.  Are you wondering what exactly this accent sounds like?  

  Paula Deen. All. The. Way. I pretty much love it. And her as well. She's kinda like the Grandma I've always wanted. Not saying I don't love my grandmas dearly. I do. But Paula can totally adopt me as her grandchild. Truly.
I guess I should have kinda updated y'all on what's going on. We are in Mississippi now, going on a week today. We are thoroughly enjoying it out here. The change in senory, weather and people. Oh the people! Everyone (well, almost everyone) is SO nice and welcoming. It kinda makes me want to stay. You don't get that kind of hospitality in California. Not even close. 
Well I'll quit rambling so I can go back to watching my Storage Wars (they don't have t-vo here y'all)
 

i adore

I adore my girls. It's no secret. I want to be the best mommy to them and the best wife to my husband. Above all else in this world, if I have succeeded in nothing but doing my personal best in the roles of a mother, bible teacher, mentor, supporter, playmate & educator to my children, then I will feel accomplished and fulfilled in life.  A year ago, I'm not sure I can honestly say that would have been enough for me. I had goals. I had big goals that were in movement towards becoming a physician's assistant (PA). Maybe because I didn't value my job as a mother. With women needing to climb the corporate latter alongside their male partners to feel worthy and excepted by society. Needing to be able to support themselves if something were to go wrong.
I'm not disagreeing with this philosophy. I do think it is smart to be able to have a skill that can be utilized to provide for you and your family, but I also think that being just a mother is okay. It's a lot of work, responsibility and love. At the moment, I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my children full time. At the moment, this is 100% satisfying my need to feel productive and accomplished. I can't think of any other job that would give me as much satisfaction that I get each day by raising my girls.
Do I have goals? Of course. Do they have a deadline? Nope.

[via pinterest, originally found here]

22 months, already

Hayden turned 22 months yesterday. My baby is really growing up. I remember when I would tell Garit how I couldn't wait for her to sit up on her own. Then it was to stand. Then walk. Then run. Then color. Then communicate. All this has happened in less than 2 years. It's too fast. If I could hold on to the baby years for a tad bit longer with my baby girl, I would be one happy mama. Bailey, you can stay small for as long as you'd like. I'm not rushing one second of your growing up. I've realized how fast it really does fly by.

 
Baby girl, you love to cook as much as your mommy! You reminded me to check on the soup atleast 15 times tonight..."souuuup!" We would go to the stove and check on it and stir it to make sure it wasn't burning. :0) My lil assistant.

Isn't it the worse when you are watching what you eat and what actually happens is you are literally watching what you eat? As in watching it go straight into your mouth? Ugh. I had this issue today with a donut. I told myself, "okay, one bit won't hurt".  

  Oh. my. goodness. Why did that one bite have to be the best tasting bite I think I've ever had from a donut? Seriously? Despite it's yummy goodness, I put it back into its pretty pink box and walked away. 10 minutes later, I pass by the pink box. Okay. Just one more bite. I'm not even joking you. Before I knew it over the course of 3 hours the whole damn donut was completely gone. Please tell me I'm not alone. I can't be the only one lacking self-control here.  

  On top of it all, I'm pretty sure the donut was far from vegan friendly.

letting go for once

For you writers out there, do you ever get inspired to write by the music you listen to? I was skipping through some music online and the song Ooh La La by Faces came on. The smell of pumpkin has overcome my home thanks to the overly-large sized candle that has been running for 8 hours today. Plus the girls are napping finally. So a new blog post was started.
There is actually so much that needs to get caught up on...downloading pictures, organizing my home, laundry, this blog...totally not the first time I've said this, I know. But rather than back-tracking through my life the past few weeks, I would rather focus on the future. Just for right now. Our future is so bright. The Lord has provided so much hope and promise. Best of all, He has spoken to both Garit and I in so many ways. 
For once, we are going to take a vacation from our crazy life. We are going to visit Mississippi for a few weeks. We are going to relax, ride bikes, cook, take a trip down to Louisiana and eat at some awesome places and just experience life. I think this could get addicting really fast, with no real time limit on how long we can be away.
For once we can experience our family without any distractions. Make memories that we will remember for a lifetime. This is the start of our life together. As one. Since we got married this past Tuesday. :0) 
To our beautiful future and a lifetime of happiness!

Oops

I got really caught up with life. Seriously, the month of October flew right by me. I'll fill you in on all the awesome details over the next few posts.

A happier moment from ms bailey...although we are teething like a mad man at the moment. :(

Senior, kinda

I had so much fun with a gorgeous girl today. Not only is she gorgeous on the outside, she's just as beautiful on the inside. How do I know this? Because she's my awesome sister. And she's not a senior. Actually, she's only 15.  Dad, don't kill me.

Which one is your favorite?

my five kids tug at my heart

 I actually have 5 kids, didn't you know? 2 human kids and 3 fur kids. 

 

This is Dalilah& Lorelai. Baby D is her short name, the one in front. She is 4 years young (I think) I was saying 2 years for about 2 years...so 4 years actually sounds about right. HA! The lil lady behind her is named Baby L for short. She will be 3 in April. How I know this is we got her while I was pregnant with Hayden. Boy, I was kinda foolish. This was when Mr didn't know how to say no to me. He learned quickly though, when I brought home a cat from the shelter about 2 weeks later. HA. He said hell no and told me to take it back. Keep in mind, I was pregnant and my fiance told me no. For the very first time. Not cool. I made him take the kitty back because I couldn't stop crying for it's poor soul. & because he said no. haha

 

Then there is duke. Our chocolate lab. We got him before baby L but after baby D, & before returned kitty. So yes, we got two dogs while we were newly pregnant, when we already had one very spoiled baby D. My heart has so much room for animals...and children. I can picture myself with 5 of each. I'm halfway there, y'all! ;)

the reason my home is a disater

Most moms I know look forward to their children's nap time so they can pick up their home, clean, do laundry.  I will shamefully admit that when my girls nap, especially if they are napping at the same time, it's me time, baby. I don't clean unless it's to the point to where I really can't stand it anymore. Honestly, it has to get pretty bad to get to this point, but then again, that is usually about ever third day or so. But when my girls are napping, I catch up on reading my favorite blogs and usually catch up on mine.  Downloading my most recent pictures are often a daily nap time ritual as well.  Some days, when I'm extra lucky and feeling a bit risky, I'll even squeeze in a 20 minute shower. Ah, pure bliss. Sometimes a shower isn't even heard of on some days. Shocker, I know. Want to know something even worse? Some days, I don't even get out of my pajamas. I know, you are totally gasping right now. Don't judge me.  So, as you can tell, there is really no real direction as far that this post goes, so I'll just posts some adorable pictures of my loves and get on to reading my fav blogs like I mentions and I'm also going to shoot for that 20 minute of bliss I talked about. Why? Because Garit and I have a date at our church's office this afternoon. But I can't say too much, because it's a surprise that is slowly unfolding. :)  By the way, you probably wonder why most of the pictures I post are with Hayden in her high chair. I realize you probably think "gosh, she must live in that thing!"  No, that is just the only time I can have my camera out and she doesn't run away. haha I hope this stage ends soon :)

Photos of Bay soon to come :)  Happy Hump day! 

hold on tight

Lately, it seems that death is surrounding me. Either with stories on blogs of little babies leaving this earth or friends telling me of loved ones that have joined Jesus. It makes me stop. It makes me appreciate all of the wonderful people who impact my life daily. They've help shape who I am today and continue to every day. They make me smile. They make me laugh. I care about them. A ton. They don't know how much they mean to me-because I don't tell them. This needs to change.
Everyday I look at my children and fiance. The best blessings in my life hands down. I could never imagine losing them. Just the thought makes my heart ache and my eyes swell with tears. There are mothers and wives that have experienced a loss of a child and/or husband. There are mothers experiencing this, at this very moment in time. I can't imagine the pain they are going through. My heart breaks into pieces for them and prayers are going out for them and their families.  This is my biggest fear. Before Garit and my girls blessed me with their grace and love, my biggest fear was not that I would die, but that I would die before I became a mother. Perhaps this is why I decided to jump on the mommy bandwagon at such a young age. I don't regret it for one second. There is not one day that my girls don't make my heart happy, even on the most trying days. With every moment that I have with them I hold on tight. So tight. I take mental pictures of moments, emotions and try to imagine how much more amazing our moments are going to be tomorrow. Because we get to do it all over again.  But we aren't promised this.  As Pastor Brian stated this past Sunday, "we all have an appointment with the Lord". While this is reassuring in the sense that life will begin when we take our last breath on earth, I don't want to leave my children. I don't ever want them to leave me. This is so hard for me to be okay with. I don't know if I'll ever be okay with this idea. I think this will always be my biggest fear in life, and it's something that is out of my hands and bound to happen at some point. Terrifying isn't it?

lucky duck

I love this photo for so many reasons...you can see where Hayden gets her curls from.