empty house, my home is in boxes

I always find it interesting when your feelings on something turn out to be the total opposite of what you had imagined. I thought that as I see each room in boxes, I would progressively get sadder and more depressed. Well, we technically just packed out first room up...the kitchen (I know, odd place to start considering we are still living here for another week). As I just finished boxing up all the winery kitchen decorations, I look at my kitchen and it feels empty. It is bare. All of the drawers and cabinets are empty except for a few things we are leaving behind/giving away. There is no personality, only memories of what used to be there and how much fun it was to find and put my vision into action.  I was surprised by the overwhelming feeling of peace when I stepped back and looked at all the hard & time consuming work I just accomplished. With seven medium and one large box in front of me, I realized that this is what matters. In a way, the kitchen is a symbol of the house. The house isn't my home. It's many walls with a roof that protects us. Yes, we are very blessed that we have this house, but in all reality, that's all it is. Our home is where my family is. My husband and the girls. Where we make memories, paint & decorate. This house was a platform for our family to build our memories together over the past 3 years. I'm going to miss the memories, not the house. I can't wait to get to our next home. Everything is going to be okay. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life. 

Picture perfect

In a mama's eyes at least :)

Our two in a half day drive to Mississippi. They were all angels!! Yes, Garit was, too. ;)

Day #2

 

 I will be posting more tomorrow in between baking pies and cookies!

letting go for once

For you writers out there, do you ever get inspired to write by the music you listen to? I was skipping through some music online and the song Ooh La La by Faces came on. The smell of pumpkin has overcome my home thanks to the overly-large sized candle that has been running for 8 hours today. Plus the girls are napping finally. So a new blog post was started.
There is actually so much that needs to get caught up on...downloading pictures, organizing my home, laundry, this blog...totally not the first time I've said this, I know. But rather than back-tracking through my life the past few weeks, I would rather focus on the future. Just for right now. Our future is so bright. The Lord has provided so much hope and promise. Best of all, He has spoken to both Garit and I in so many ways. 
For once, we are going to take a vacation from our crazy life. We are going to visit Mississippi for a few weeks. We are going to relax, ride bikes, cook, take a trip down to Louisiana and eat at some awesome places and just experience life. I think this could get addicting really fast, with no real time limit on how long we can be away.
For once we can experience our family without any distractions. Make memories that we will remember for a lifetime. This is the start of our life together. As one. Since we got married this past Tuesday. :0) 
To our beautiful future and a lifetime of happiness!

my five kids tug at my heart

 I actually have 5 kids, didn't you know? 2 human kids and 3 fur kids. 

 

This is Dalilah& Lorelai. Baby D is her short name, the one in front. She is 4 years young (I think) I was saying 2 years for about 2 years...so 4 years actually sounds about right. HA! The lil lady behind her is named Baby L for short. She will be 3 in April. How I know this is we got her while I was pregnant with Hayden. Boy, I was kinda foolish. This was when Mr didn't know how to say no to me. He learned quickly though, when I brought home a cat from the shelter about 2 weeks later. HA. He said hell no and told me to take it back. Keep in mind, I was pregnant and my fiance told me no. For the very first time. Not cool. I made him take the kitty back because I couldn't stop crying for it's poor soul. & because he said no. haha

 

Then there is duke. Our chocolate lab. We got him before baby L but after baby D, & before returned kitty. So yes, we got two dogs while we were newly pregnant, when we already had one very spoiled baby D. My heart has so much room for animals...and children. I can picture myself with 5 of each. I'm halfway there, y'all! ;)

finger fives & kitchen dances

love note to my girls:

In a way, spending every single day with my girls is exhausting, draining and at certain moment's extremely frustrating. But there are always moments that make all of this worth it.

Like when I think about the special bond that Hayden and I have. How I can look at her a certain way and she will smile. I look at her a different way and she laughs. I laugh. I have this unbelievable bond that is just so heart warming. We also do Eskimo kisses daily. Rubbing our noses together, and then I say "ok, I want butterfly kisses now" and she will smile and get even closer and blink her eyelashes really fast against mine.

{this reminds me, I have also taught this little lady how to properly ask her father for something -- with full-on "pretty eyes" (blinking them, of course) this was my secret weapon against my step-dad, worked like a charm}

Then there's this new thing that we do. When she does something great in her highchair while eating, whether it be eating all of her food or saying please and thank you {she is really good at this now, with no prompting}.. instead of giving high fives, we do finger fives. We use our index finger and high five it. This was started because her hands would be covered in food. I mean covered. She is the messiest eater around, no matter what you give her. Ha. So, to keep my hands as clean as possible but still show her how awesome she is, we finger five it. Now this is done everywhere, not just in the highchair. It's our little thing. Just like our Eskimo & Butterfly kisses. Absolutely love it.

Then there's Bailey. Since she has been so alert since birth, I've felt such a strong connection with her through her eyes. Now that her little expressions are really corresponding with the emotion that I see in her eyes, it makes it that much more magical.

Bailey and I have this routine now... the past 4 mornings while my coffee is brewing and Hayden is eating breakfast, Bailey and I dance. I put on Colbie Caillat's "Brighter Than the Sun" and dance around in the kitchen. Rocking back and forth staring at my beautiful baby that our Lord has blessed us with. All of my problems and worries seem so meaningless and insignificant. It puts what really matters into perspective. You can take away my car, my house, my money. As long as I have my husband and my babies, life is good.

Dancing with my daughter and seeing her smile. So innocent and happy. No problems that she's aware of. Just happily dancing in her mommy's arms. Her eyes and her smiles are as big as can be. She's going to have a killer smile. Mark my words.

There really is no greater of a bond or love than that of a mother and her children. I am so blessed and I look forward to dancing with my baby every morning for as long as she will allow me to. I pray that Hayden will be older than 7 when she feels it's no-longer cool to give her Mommy Eskimo & Butterfly kisses. I am so incredibly grateful for these moments.

xoxo,
Mama

early mornings & coffee

Bailey decided she wanted to party at 5:30 this morning. 

Good morning sunshine, you do know the sun isn't up yet right?

This mama, likes her sleep. Like a lot.

But I do have to admit, I like the fact that I have some semi-alone time for a whole two hours before my second little monkey wakes up.

Coffee is brewing and breakfast is being toasted. Toast with jam is fancy and easy. Did I mention it's easy? 

You know what else I'm doing? Absolutely nothing. It's beautiful. 

Now I know why old people wake up early and drink coffee.

They have kids.

Did I say old people? Does this classify me as old?

Wait let me rephrase. I know why parents wake up early and drink coffee, voluntarily. 

You kinda have to if you want to keep some of your sanity.

Secret cracked. :)

oh, this is a good life

Every morning I wake up to my girls. One resting next to my breast and the other jabbering and sometimes if I'm lucky a little singing, through the monitor.

I was able to play around with some picture taking yesterday :) these were my results with 10 minutes of playing around. She gets so darn fussy, so quick.

Every day I get to play with Hayden. She gets it now. It's amazing. The simplest things make her smile.  There is this look I give her, kinda like a peek-a-boo look, like I'm peering from behind something, but I'm not [laughs] and omgosh, it gets her smile going. It's followed by squeals and a high pitched maaaa-meeee! Greatest sound ever. I can't help but smile and keep doing it. Over and over. Until she's almost in tears from laughing.

You would never think this girl laughs because I can never get her to smile on camera. Once she sees the camera out, she bolts for anything that she can hide behind.  That's okay. My little monkey.
 

Bailey smiles. Regularly. She's 25 days today. She only smiles when we are coo-ing with her or when I give her Eskimo kisses. It melts my heart and literally brings tears to my eyes. Her smile is magic.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite having hard moments sometimes. Despite being oh so very tired. Despite having some baby blues. I am so very happy. So very thankful for every day. So blessed. I recognize this and the fact that I have an amazing life. Amazing family. Amazing friends.

I have a serious question...

When I thought I wanted another baby, Hayden was roughly 10 months old. I didn't take into consideration that she had just mastered crawling. Walking, running, tantrums and just becoming a little person of her own was still months away. Garit and I both wanted our children to be close and we figured our best bet to get this was to have them close in age.

What the heck was I thinking? When does it get easier with two babies? Because truly, that is exactly what they are. Sure Hayden can communicate, but there is still a lot that she doesn't understand-on a communication level as well as why this baby is getting a ton of attention. I suppose this would be an adjustment for her at any age, but please tell me...when does it get easier? When am I going to see a light at the end? I'm only on day 18 into this beautiful mess and every morning I wake up saying to myself "I hope today is the day it just clicks. I hope today is easier."

Today is not the day. Bailey woke up every two hours last night to feed and was extremely gassy. Gassy=fussy. I don't think I slept more than 3 hours last night. Hayden woke up calling for me with every possible name she could think of. Mom, mama, ma, mommy, Mom, Mom, Mom. I let this go on for 15 minutes. Is that bad? I needed just 15 more minutes of rest before the storm.

When I got Hayden, she greeted me with smiles. I thought "well that's a good start". I went to let our two yorkies out of their crate to pee outside. I realized one of them peed and pooed in their crate.

Deep breath. It's not the end of the world, just one more thing I have to do. Well, two. Now I have to bathe them along with clean their crate.

I threw some coffee in a mug and downed it. There was no time to enjoy it if I wanted to drink it hot. I put Hay in her highchair with a cinnamon roll and some milk...along with one of her favorite shows on the television. I hate the television. That will have to be a whole other post.

I fed Bailey, which she struggled to latch for 20 minutes for only God knows why. It's only on the right breast that we have ever had an issue.


So, this has been my morning for the past hour an a half. I still have a whole day of this and I need to some how conquer laundry, dishes, pick up the front room and Hay's room. Bathe the dogs & clean their crate. Sanitize everything in the bathroom. Bailey's cord finally fell off, so she really could use a bath as well. Now I just feel like I'm rambling.

Some where in all of this, I really need to take care of myself. Like, eat maybe? Make sure I'm drinking my fluids so I actually keep my milk this time. Pee without a baby on my boob and a toddler following me in the bathroom.

One day it has to get better right? Seriously. It has to. Or am I really just not cut out for this like I originally thought? I think I may have bit off more than I can chew.

our precious addition.

I have been procrastinating when it comes to writing this post. Maybe because I'm afraid once I actually write it, time will just slip away. Maybe because I'm not completely sure of how I feel about my experience and if I write about it, my emotions will get the best of me.

This is something that I haven't talked about with anyone, except for my friend, our photographer, Amy. Today I started to open up about my experience of meeting our new baby. I (not surprisingly) started to get really emotional when I tried explaining how having a c-section changed everything for me. I knew this bothered me. This is when I realized it was time. Time to write about it and hopefully move on.

When I gave birth to Hayden, naturally, I had never felt such a joyous feeling. Pushing her out with all the anticipation of meeting my baby girl. Then holding and caressing her while tears flowed and while there were probably 6 people in the room, maybe more, all I recall is Garit, I and Hayden.

This is what I envisioned for this child. I couldn't wait to experience this high of happiness again. I was as anxious to experience this again as I was to meet my baby. Except it went nothing like I expected.

Bailey Nichole Wallace was born Saturday, August 20,at 6:09 am. This was 9 days past my due date. I was beyond done. We had an appointment at 1 am that same day to be induced, however, starting that prior Thursday I experienced my first real contractions. They continued and got even more painful. On Friday they continued. I knew it was time. I had Garit stay on stand by. I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. This was part of my birth plan. 17 hours into the day I had enough. The contractions were every 5 minutes apart and I knew I still had to drop Hay off at my parents which was 45 minutes away and coming home on a Friday night during rush hour could take anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half. This scared me a bit. But we made it to the hospital around 6. I was already 6 centimeters and they determined that I was in full labor. They broke my water at 8:30 and I started to pick up with contractions to every 3 minutes. Next came the pitocin to speed the process along since I wasn't effacing as fast as I was dilating. 9 1/2 centimeters later I was only 70% effaced. They moved me in different positions for a few hours to try and get me to efface more on the left and right side. I wasn't progressing- in fact, the doctor determinded that I was actually becoming swollen. I was going backwards in effacement. When he told me this, I felt the tears come. I knew it was over. He didn't say it, but he didn't have to. I had been on pitocin for 9 hours and there was no progress and now I was actually regressing. My heart has never felt so hurt. My mom and Garit were the only ones there with me. 5:30 am comforting me while I balled my eyes out. Continually reassuring me that it would be fine. We just want a healthy baby.

I made the final decision to go forward with the c-section. The doctor was really nice about it, knowing that this was the last thing that I wanted to happen. He assured me that this was going to be the result, his guess was that she was too big to fit through my pelvis and that was the reason for the swelling.

I felt like my body had failed me. I was being defeated and cheated out of my birthing experience. I felt like all the laboring, all the lost sleep, all the anticipation to the main event of pushing my baby out and holding her for the first time. Garit by my side. Just the three of us soaking up everything in that moment. A moment that I will never forget that was experienced with our first child. It wouldn't happen with our second, or any of our future children. It literally breaks my heart. I am in tears over it.

I was wheeled into the OR and Garit joined me. I was shaking as I laid on the bed with my arms outstretched and strapped to the table. All I felt were tears running down the sides of my face and Garit wiping them away. I hear all of the nurses, doctors and who ever else was in the room hustling around us. There was no way we were going to have our moment- or anything close to it. This made me cry even harder. It was nothing like I had pictured.

Once they pulled her out, I heard her scream- yes, scream (boy, she has some lungs on her) a new set of tears came. They were happy tears. My baby was here. I couldn't see her because of the blue opporating sheet in front of me, but I could hear her.

They cleaned her up, weighed her and did all the routine stuff I suppose while they started to fix me. Honestly, the c-section was very uncomfortable. I felt tons of pressure and pulling and pushing of skin and organs. Not a good experience. Not sure I will ever want to experience it again.

I was shown my baby girl, all wrapped up for maybe a total of 5 seconds. It wasn't enough. They then asked Garit to leave with the baby while they finished up with me. I'm not sure how long that took, but it felt like an hour. The tears came rolling again. That's all I remember doing in that time of being alone. I think one of the doctors even asked if I was ok. Sure. My baby was healthy, that's all I can ask for, right?

I suppose I'm way more upset about this than I originally thought. I've been ugly crying through writing this whole thing. I'm going to blame my hormones on part of it.

I will be uploading new pictures tomorrow of baby Bailey : ) My precious Bailey.

Bailey Nichole Wallace
9 lbs 4 oz
21 1/4 inches

34 weeks-the count down begins!

I would say the countdown actually began around 6 weeks pregnant. Yep.

So, I'm thinking the belly has dropped some. I have 6 more weeks to go but if I remember correctly, this is when the time flies. This week? FLYING.

34 weeks:

Here is a picture of when I was 37 weeks with Hayden...compare:
HAHA!

I am getting more and more uncomfortable as the days go on. I dread changing Hay's diapers as it can actually be painful to try to sit on the floor and wrangler her at the same time. Let's not mention that it's probably hilarious from the outside to watch me try an get up. Thank goodness I'm in my own home doing this :0)

My pelvic bones seem to be separating with constant shooting pains.

And the waddle...oh the waddle...I have taken on the look of a duck. or a penguin. I can't decide.

6 more weeks. More or less. Let's pray for a tad less, please?

Summa Summa Time

Okay, so the song actually is Summertime, but I figured you would get what I was singing if I spelled it how I actually sing it. Summa summa time. That song brings back so many good memories.

I'm a tad late, but it's finally here! Summer that is. I'm not as miserable as I thought I would be with the heat and the belly. Maybe I should credit that to my home air being at a constant yummy 72 degrees. Jealous? I know you are.

So since I'm not a fan of outside at the moment, unless it includes water...ie pool parties. :0) I decided I'm going to make a summer fun list of things to do indoors. Plus having a newborn in this heat just isn't cool. 

My Summer Indoor FUN List includes:

1. An indoor picnic, pray it stays on the tile.
2. Have a Popsicle Bath tub Party.

Doesn't this just scream summer?

3. Get my mommy groove back. {personal goal, don't have a plan on how to accomplish this-YET}
4. Get our backyard done-so we can enjoy some outdoor fun.
5. Make a point to go to Barnes and Nobel to get Hay new books. Hopefully she won't chew on these ones, leaving them looking like our dogs got a hold of them. {She has an obsession with chewing books, paper, anything that she can get into little pieces. I'm holding fast to thinking this is a sign that she's going to be artistic. LOL!}
6. Get Hay a princess dress so we can play dress up and dance around in circles and be princesses of course.
7. Manage to take as many photos of my girls and actually scrapbook them.
8. Finger paint and have Hay do artwork so I can frame it <3
9. Have an at home spa day with Hay. Complete with homemade Lavender & Peppermint foot scrub and nail fun!

10. Make a Sweet Flower Granny Blanket for baby A.

And although I won't be doing this THIS summer, I thought I would share because I think this is an amazing idea for when the girls get older...

Amazing, right?! DIY instructions can be found here...

<3 Enjoy the Summa! How are you going to be spending your summer??

an amazing photog rave

Not much has happened since Sunday's big emotional adventure, not that compares to it anyhow. However, I did book our maternity session to go down this coming Sunday with Ms Lovely Amy Boring. I am super excited! I love her work {so much that we are driving an hour and 1/2} and I can't believe that she is photographing my little family.

I should also throw in that she is just as cool as her photos. We spent about two hours chatting about photography, life and drama. I felt like I've known her forever.

Yep. We are now BFFs.

Okay, maybe not BFF yet. That's kinda stalker, but we really do get along and I haven't felt a connection to a friend like that in forever- unless you are one of the friends that I can go years without talking to and when we see each other, it's like no time has passed. I feel blessed to have a handful of friends like that.

Anyways. She's super cool and it made me even more excited for the Sunday shoot. Stoked. Did I mention she will also be shooting baby A's newborn photos? {Insert squeal here}

Where did my baby go?

She seriously seemed to grow up over night. I went in her room to wake her up this morning to treat her to a chocolate milk from Starbucks while this momma enjoyed a skinny vanilla latte with a drizzle of carmel.

I was absolutely stunned when this is what I saw.

Not a baby, or even really a toddler. I mean sure, she's a toddler, but she looks just like a little girl. I really can't believe that she grew up right in front of me. I spend the most time possible with her and I still feel like I missed something.I seriously think if I blink I might miss her school aged years and I'll be sending her off to college.

If you don't have kids yet or if you are expecting your first, the only thing I can advise you to do is never blink. No really- I'm dead serious. Don't. Blink. Because one day you will and your little baby is a little girl. She will tell you when she wants to nap, eat, play outside, or watch Caillou.

I don't know what I can do differently with Baby A to slow down this process of growing up, but I do know that I will cherish every moment I have awake with her. I feel so blessed that I get to go through this whole process again with another child. I hope I have many, many more. While every mom has tough days raising their children, there is always a moment in a day that makes it all worth it.

This is reality sometimes. I wouldn't change it for anything in this world.

I love you, my little Hayden. You will always be my baby.

xoxo,

Mom

Get to know me better...

With 23 random facts!

1. I cloth diaper Hayden 90% of the time. It used to be full time, but when it's really hot outside, Hayden gets heat rashes down there because of the moisture.

2. When Hay "holds my hand" she's actually just gripping my pinky. Cutest thing ever. 

3. I've tossed around the idea of homeschooling and really need to force myself to research it more. 

4. Hayden says "peazzzzz" {Please} with emphesis. It makes my day.

5. I get anxiety when I think about Hayden going to school {one of the reasons I want to home school her, but not the main reason}

6. I don't know how many more episodes of Calliou I can watch before I go completely insane.

7. I have struggled with acne since my teens.

8. I have a problem with following through. 

Example: I have everything you could ever think of to scrapbook, yet over the past two years I have only finished 1 {ONE} page. Yep. Fail.

9. I have an obsession with scented candles.

10. I LOVE the lines that the vacuum leaves on the carpet.

11. I eat sunflower seed nut butter on my bananas. 

12. I see Garit as perfect because I look at him through Jesus' eyes.

13. I am terrified to have a newborn again.

14. I want a big family, possibly 5 children but I really rescent the thought of being pregnant for 50 months.

15. I want to be a crunchy granola head, but I love meat too much to totally give it up.

16. We have a Chocolate Lab and Two Yorkshire Terriers. We would have more, but Garit learned to tell me no shortly after getting the lab. {I'll have to tell the story of the cat one day}

17. I secretly have baby fever even though I'm already pregnant. I am going to have to get the IUD fo sho ASAP after this bambino.

18. I really struggled with my weight after having Hayden. I was only able to breastfeed until she was 4 months old because I didn't take in enough calories and water. I blame myself every day and wish I could have gone until she was one.

19. I love to make lists. For everything.

20. I am deathly afraid that I might be one of the millions that experience PPD.

21. My kitchen is wine themed.

22. I pray that Hayden and Baby A will grow up with Jesus in their heart. 

23. I still get butterflies when I talk to Garit, I truly feel I found my soul mate {cheesy, I know}.

The joys of having a belly...

This was taken a week ago, at 32 weeks. I'm even bigger now, I just need to get an updated picture taken :) I usually don't have an issue with doing this.

UPDATED PICTURE ADDED 6/24: 33/34 weeks along

For the most part, coming to the end of this pregnancy is relieving. I am getting big. To the point to where I am uncomfortable and little things just make me upset. Not upset as in mad, more like sad.

For instance, this morning I was on the floor playing with Hayden. {We just got a new couch and it's so tall she can't get up by herself. So, instead of me constantly lifting her up with me, it's just easier to play on the floor} Well, I say easier, but technically it's not. Getting down to just sit on my butt isn't the easiest anymore, let alone crawling around with a belly to play with the different toys scattered around the room.

Anyhow, Hayden brought me a book to read to her. She hands it too me and turns around and backs her little tush up to sit in my lap. I no longer have a lap available! It's completely taken by belly. I chuckled to myself but then I got really sad. My baby girl can't sit on my lap. I know this is temporary, but for the last few weeks that we have alone time together, the option of sitting on my lap is no longer available. Kind of breaks my heart.

We settled for reading the book with her on my knee. It's just not the same.

Another annoying thing that I have to deal with for the next seven weeks is I can't wash dishes facing the sink. My belly is too large and I end up hunched over just so I can reach the water. I now have to face sideways and turn my upper body towards the sink. Really? I don't remember every doing this with Hayden. Annoying.

Not to mention I have a really hard time giving Hayden her baths now. Garit has stepped in and taken over that nightly routine while I attempt to wash the dishes. :( Sad sad sad.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to both my Dad and Step Dad!

&

Happy Father's Day to the love of my life and the best Daddy my little girl could ever have!

 I love this one^ because they both have the same look of "really Mom? In front of the exit sign?"

Just some quick snap shots that I was able to find on my desktop :)

Hayden and Daddy

For Father's Day we went out to breakfast with my parents, sisters and my step brother and his family. It was so nice to see them. They live in San Diego (where basically all of the family lives-we were the ones that moved away) so we rarely get to see them. It's only about an hour and a half drive down there, but we all get busy with life and work and our own little families. That is one thing that I hope changes over the next ten years. While I love where we live, I would love to have a vacation home or pick up and move back to San Diego. One day, maybe.

After breakfast we went home and worked on our backyard. It's slowly coming along...even though it's still just dirt at the moment, we staked out where the concrete is going along with where we want the BBQ, fire pit and spa...oh and grass! :) I can not wait for grass!!! Hay will be able to run around and play on the play set and just be a kid, and not to mention all the dirt that I won't have to sweep up everyday!

Allow me to introduce myself

Hello, I am Brianna Watson. If you asked my family and friends they would introduce me as Bri. If you ask my fiance he will tell you I answer to Dear and to my little girl I am simply Mama. 

I am a new mother to a beautiful little girl {Hayden Rebekah} as of January 2010 and preparing for our second little blessing {Baby A} August 2011. Two kids under 2? Crazy? Probably a lil bit. But I couldn't be happier living this crazy beautiful life the lord has given me.

I am happily married engaged {it's complicated, just take my word for it} and madly in love to Garit {Super-dad to Hayden and the man I look up to}.

My life certainly isn't a fairytale, but I have it pretty darn good and I count my blessings every day.

We live in sunny Southern California where life seems to always be set on fast-forward. One my goals I hope to accomplish with this blog is to slow down and enjoy the small moments. It seems like I am always looking forward to the next best thing in life when I have so many things I can enjoy right now.

I am motivated and inspired by your comments--so thank you for sharing your love, thoughts and experiences...I can't wait to get to know all of you and see where this blog takes me!

xoxo, 

Bri